Rabbits

There are, it seems, a lot of people out there who like animals. I am one of those people.

I like wild animals.

It is my belief that all animals are wild, it is just that some are tamer than others.

In spite of the risk of receiving hate mail I shall brace myself and tell you that I dislike cats and dogs.

Rabbits are all right—I’ll get to them later.

If I prefaced this account with, “I dislike skates and rays,” everything would be fine. Similarly, if I said, “I dislike rats and cockroaches,” there would be peace surrounding me.

In reality I have no emotional feelings towards skates and rays unless they are cooked and somebody (no names, no pack-drill, as they say) attempts to make me eat them and then a war zone exists—temporarily, of course.

Rats and cockroaches are another thing.

Neither of them are soft and fluffy although, I am reliably informed, rats are highly intelligent and make wonderful pets. Fine. You can keep whatever pet you like but try hard not to involve me with it.

Both rats and cockroaches are living things. The difference between them and cats and dogs is our perception of them.

Sadly, our perception of cats and dogs is coloured by the things they do with us and that is, largely, based on what these creatures do in the wild.

Cats are, for example, loners in the wild just as they are in a domestic situation. Yes, yes, lions are an exception.

Dogs are pack animals. They go around in groups; your family, to them, is the pack. The family leader is the Alpha male/female. They are not being affectionate when they lick your face, they are asking for food. This is what they do in the pack.

We are inclined to anthropomorphise cats and dogs—also computers, cars and pretty much everything else.

When the car doesn’t start we may very well pat the dashboard and encourage it with calm and soothing phrases; when the computer plays up we may well argue with it. They are machines. They will remain impassive and unresponsive becausethey are inert.

Cats and dogs are the same. They are animals.

Now I shall receive protestations that ‘my dog understands every word I say’. Nonsense. It understands nothing. You do not understand ‘woof’ so why should doggy understand your words?

It is an animal. It licks its bum and then licks your face; this is extremely unpleasant.

The faecal matter deposited by cats and dogs is stuffed with so many diseases that it is pretty well lethal to children. Yet we allow children to play with them.

Neither dogs nor cats like being ‘cuddled’; it is not in their nature to enjoy this although many will tolerate it up to some un-predetermined point.

They are not ‘mini-humans’, they are not 'fur-babies', they are animals. They have their own traditions, customs and, some say, their own agenda.

They are animals just like rats.

But rats are vermin. Grey squirrels are vermin—red squirrels are not vermin.

Hmm.

Rabbits? Rabbits can be vermin unless they are pets. But rabbits are wonderfully soft and fluffy things. They are, like rats, extremely intelligent unless they are crammed in a hutch twenty-four hours a day and then they go stir-crazy, their brains atrophy with disuse.

Rabbits are fine but for one thing. They always do their business in one place. Very orderly, very civilised. What you may not know is that grass is not very easy to digest. To get the most out of the grass that they eat they will digest it twice. This means that they will eat their own ‘pellets’ the first time around, the second time through they will leave them on the ‘dumping ground’.

Cool.

Rabbits are animals, too.

They also taste good.