Friday, January 24, 2014

Sherlock Holmes Marketing




In previous editions of this ‘Blog’—and one still wonders what a ‘Blog’ is, there have been discussions about what was in comparison to what is now.
There was, for example, a comparison between the life style, customs and traditions of a World that existed two thousand years ago and the World that we inhabit now. Things changed little for the next fifteen hundred years so that it would be difficult to label King Henry VIII as a paedophile for marrying a very young girl when, in those days, there were no laws extant that prescribed the age at which people could get married; indeed, the trend at that time was to marry off girls when they began menstruating because that signified when they were ready to breed.
We could, equally, label Rudyard Kipling—one of the World’s greatest ever writers, as a racist. Some of his views on the inhabitants of the Indian Subcontinent were, by our standards, pretty condemning when it came to the darker shades of skin. If you complained to him about it he would look askance at you; he would fail to understand what you meant because, by the mores of the day, he was just following what everyone else did. Slavery was already abolished but that did not mean that the common perception of coloured people changed very much. He lived by his lights as we live by ours.
Shakespeare, Chaucer, Bacon, Dickens, they all described life in a very different way to the life that we are accustomed to living now. Does it make them wrong? No. Does it make them despicable? No, of course not.
Society has changed. It has changed very little in its roots but there have been changes. Not all for the better.
Another, more recent change has been the predilection for soap manufacturers to use pseudo-fruit scents in our toiletries instead of the more traditional floral, conifer and sea-spray. If it is changed then it must be better.
More perception.

Change is almost constant now. It took thousands of years to promote basic changes to our perceptions, this was whittled down to hundreds of years and now we are into a period where change is almost a daily routine.
“Buy New Improved Glob For a Whiter Wash!” This is actually incredibly sad because my short was blue before I washed it in ‘New Improved Glob’!
Of course we have to wonder what was wrong with the old ‘Glob’. Why did it need changing?
It needed changing because sales were beginning to slump. The ‘Bell Curve’ was starting to drop into the ‘zero sales area’.
With food it is much easier. Tinned food, especially, can be immediately improved by adding more salt and sugar. This will spice up its taste. We are living on salt and sugar because we are taking in more and more preserved and pre-packed food.
We learn about this food because we are inundated with messages from marketing and advertising people through the popular media every time we turn on the television or radio; every time we go to social media on the computer; every time we open a ‘newspaper’ or magazine; every time we get in the car and drive past posters, billboards and shops.
It is a blitz. It is a constant blizzard of visual noise oppressing us at every possible opportunity.
How much propaganda is slipped into this maelstrom of sales information? Can we tell? Do we know?
The manufacturers know exactly what we want. They use data mining from things like loyalty cards and credit cards to let them know precisely what we are buying. From this they work up the plan to decide which products need improving.
Research groups know where we live, how we live, what we drive, where we spend our money, where we go on holiday—everything about us. Nothing is left to chance.
In this digital age there are no secrets. Pretending that you are exempt because you use no plastic cards is like King Canute commanding the tide to recede.
You are surrounded, you are awash with spyware of all kinds.
Genetics will modify your vegetables. There may be ‘Monsanto’ based genetic modification in the laboratory or the produce that you eat may be modified in the old fashioned way—the way that gave us cabbages and various potatoes, chickens and beef cattle for our gustatory pleasures.
It is modified so that we, the consumer, will buy it. We will buy it because it is ‘new’, it is 'improved’.
There is nothing you can do about it. You are trapped in this situation, like it or not.

As Sherlock Holmes said, “Alimentary, my dear Watson.”

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Con Artists on 'Facebook'


Beware whom you befriend on ‘Facebook’ – you may get one of the lunatic fringe trying to extract your funds! This was his opening conversation.

A conversation between Mc J B (J) and me (M). None of the spelling or punctuation has been changed:

J: hello Mr David are you ready to claim your winning award prize
[Note that I am referred to as ‘Mr. David’ and not ‘Mr. Leyman’. This is very Asian]

M: No. I write award-winning stories.

J: yes fedral govt award you sum of $500.000.00

M: No, it doesn't. Not even in Rupiah.

J: the money is give to you as reward and it is award winning prize
[Note the spelling and (lack of) punctuation.]

M: Excellent. No, thank you.

J: that is why i am here to inform you about your award and to put you true how your money will be deliver to you any where you stay in the world.

M: Could you write that in English from wherever you are in the World?
Tell me why you describe yourself as 'female' and yet have a 'male' photo?

J: yes we are two agent that control this account'so that is why we are real and legal me and Brenda work as claiming agent for fedral govt award commision

M: Yes. Could you rewrite that in English? Which country are you from?

J: USA our heard office other branches in Australia'Uk'New Zealand' brenda is now in uk and she can log in and read all our conversation so that is why you have to be honest

M: I am always honest. Sadly, your grasp of English is poor. One wonders why you are holding a (apparently) senior position.
[Following a gap in the conversation that lasted a day.]
So the offer is retracted. Fine.

J: Good Mr David your award winning will be deliver to you via fedex and for fedex to be able to locate you at where you are there are some information we will want to collect from you so and you have to be honest with what you are given.
FULL NAME........
FULL HOME ADDRESS.........
CITY............
COUNTRY.........
SEX........AGE........
ZIPCODE..........
OCCUPATION.......... OWN HOUSE /RENT......
CREDIT CARD REPORT GOOD /BAD
CASH/CHECK
Let you know that in the next 24hours that we recive this information your winning will get deliver to you ok.

M: It is late afternoon. I see your English has not improved.

J: ok send me the information that fedex need to come and deliver your winning as soon as possible.

M: What is it, in your mind, that makes you think that I shall send you personal information? Given that your English is execrable it hardly leads to any sense of trust or faith in your ultimate intentions.

J: are you not intrested in claiming your winning award again because i have try my best on you to belive me and get your winning.

M: No. I believe I made this very clear from the start.
Do you read?

J: Ok you have to fill the claiming form I sent to you ok so that your document can be sigh and wired to fedex for deliver to you ok
Fill this form
Full Name...
Full Home address....
City...
Zip Code......
Sex......Age...
Cash\Check...
Occupation....
Mobile Number....
Married\Single....
Next of Kin....

M: I think that you are in desperate need of psychiatric help.

J: Meaning what?

M: Meaning you need a psychiatrist to treat you for this feeling that nobody is speaking to you.

J: hello

M: Hello. Are you prepared to participate in a more civilised fashion now?

J: meaning what?

M: So far you have completely ignored everything I have said and insisted on presenting your own interests in which I have no desire to cooperate.

J: i mean it am real with your winning

M: As do I. Either switch to something more sociable or desist entirely.
You do speak sufficient English to comprehend what I am saying, don't you?

J: David look here am not here to play game
ok

M: Me neither.

J: so are you ready to get your winning
because you will pay delivery fee of $1000 before fedex can come and deliver your package

M: You are still not listening!

J: Federal government grants are specific amounts of money given to a US,UK,AUSTRALIA,NEW ZEALAND,CANADA,citizen to use for a specified purpose.  Federal government grants come in many different forms with the most popular being scholarships for a college education, Dissabilities to pay there Bills, or funding for a research project.  Federal government grants are a great way to raise capital for a specific goal.  Generally the government will give out grant money to meet the needs of a specific government goal.
Every year the government is required to give away free money to citizens  Over $350 billion dollars is given away each year to individuals and businesses in the form of free grants. This free money can be used for almost any purpose - including to buy a house, start a business, pay for college, take online classes, pay salaries, buy school supplies, get out of debt, buy clothing, pay for child camp, pay for music, art or education lessons, paying off your medical bills, pay for gas for your car, and anything else you desire.

M: Good. Give it to somebody who wants it.

J: dont you want it

M: You really don't listen/read, do you?
No. I do not want it. I said this in the very first place.

J: why you dont want free money that govt gives to you

M: Give it to somebody who needs it or to someone who is happy to give you $1000 up front.

J: ooooooo is 1000 too much for you to pay and you get 300,000.00
[Observe that the amount has changed.]

M: No. It is not too much for me. My trust in these things is zero. I don't want it. Stop proffering it. Push someone else.
J: ok if it is not much while dont you send the money and you wait and see tha good hing that will happen next

M: No. End. No more.

J: try and see ok

Chat conversation end



See how persistent these con artists are? There was no mention of the $1000 up front at the start of the conversation but it was inevitable that it would appear at some stage. It is also inevitable that the $1000 cannot be deducted from the lump sum and the remainder sent on to the recipient.
I think I shall forego ‘tha good hing’ that will happen next!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Perplexity




 If we refer to the above picture of the Western Pacific Ocean we shall see an oddity that perplexes me.
It is the International Dateline.
I can cope with most ideas, hypotheses and theories in some form or an other—indeed I have several ideas of my own about sundry items about which we have already shared time together.
This one leaves me cold. This one is the creator of a kind of vortex in my head that sucks everything else down with it and leaves me agape and numb.

Let’s start with this.
We are told, every year, that the people of the North Island in New Zealand are the first to welcome in the New Year.
Yes, yes! I’m sorry to harp on, seemingly endlessly, about this New Year business but bear with me, please; I am becoming mentally inert.
According to this diagram of the International Dateline it must be that the first people to welcome in the New Year are those lovely people who reside in the Kiribati Archipelago. Then celebrations will occur in Tokelau, Samoa and then, at about the same time, between New Zealand and Fiji.
Are we happy with that? Or not?
Now look at American Samoa. They are located about an hour West of Kiribati. This means that they will greet the New Year twenty-five hours later. They will be the last people to be in the Old Year.

Have you grasped what this means? It means that their children will not be able to open their Christmas presents until twenty-five hours after the Children on Kiribati.
How fair is that?
If they hop on a boat, or something, and nip over to Kiribati they will be able to open their Christmas presents early—they could be the first children in the World to open their presents; and then they could nip back to American Samoa and have Christmas all over again with fresh presents twenty-five hours later.
How ‘cool’ is that?

This is almost time travel, isn’t it? No special equipment necessary, no rocket ships, and you can skip back a year. Well, just over a day but, when it comes to New Year...

While the necessity for some sort of International dateline existing is self-evident one wonders at the irregularities in its shape.
Why could it not have been straight? Or nearly straight. Perhaps the thin end of the wedge occurred due to some political twist up at the Aleutian Islands due to the need to make some reality programmes involving crabs up there.
But why did this wiggling need to be continued down into the Pacific?
It has more curves than Carla Gugino racing to Witch Mountain in a camper wagon!

Perhaps next year we should all meet in American Samoa. Then we can spend all night and day celebrating with everyone else welcoming in the New Year before we get down to the serious business of celebrating 2015 ourselves twenty five hours later.